A: "And we're live. Welcome back to the Mallratathon. This is Andy Caliper, and I'm here with my host Babe Routh."

B: "Not that one. For those of you turning in for the first time, the Mallratathon is a circular event where people of all colonies land on mammoth-malls to reach one of it's Polar Ends."

A: "The starting point is decided at random. Once all freighters orbit the malls, the organizers will reveal the starting location on the surface of the mall."

B: "After the stunt they pulled last cycle, I hope they pick a spot worth our while."

A: "Let's find out, the last of the freighters have reached orbit."

A: "Here they are ladies and germs. And wow, what a turnout."

B: "Are you thing what I'm thinking?"

A: "No, but everyone in those freighters knows what's up. They look pumped."

B: "But enough about pumping, let's see where they'll be heading now"

A: "They are heading to...the southern hemishpere of..."

B: "Fast Food Nation"

A: "They are heading...North."

B: "Wow."

A: "This ain't last year's game, folks."

B: "I can't even-"

A: "This is going to be one of the best. One for the ages. For those of you with a globe of Earth, imagine travelling from New Zealand to the North Pole."

B: "But this aint Earth. Oh no. You can go through the enterty of a mammoth-mall. You can shop straight through it."

A: "That's the name of the game this cycle. Now let's see our contestants now."

...

B: "Yup."

A: "Last year gave some people the wrong idea about this competition."

B: "Do you see that one. I think he's about to be sick."

A: "Where we're landing, I don't blame him."

A: "The freighters are touching down on Fast Food Nation. Don't let the name fool you, this is one of those older malls. The ones that still have a hole in the Ozone Layer. And look where the freighters enter the atmostsphere."

B: "Lame."

...

B: "Just because they're landing on the surface doesn't mean the ships have to touch the ground."

A: "There is no ground on this planetoid. The ships are hovering over the rooftops. Once they land, our contestants will have to scale down the buildings and make their way across the mall any way they know how. They can make their way north like any shopper. Or they can go through any establishment, take the backrooms, find any hole they can fit in-"

B: "Me-eow"

A: "They must reach North. And to get there on time, everyone must get near the mall's core. This ain't the Earth's core: this one has the heat and more. Security, extreme gravity, and not enough space for everyone to push through."

B: "But they must try to be #1."

A: "I hope those business down below prepare soon. They have a whole horde of mallrats ready to go window shopping."

B: "That's if they'll have windows at the end of this. Oh look, the ships are hovering down."

A: "The race is about to begin."

B: "The ships have landed."

A: "And our contestants made contact."

B: "Don't they just look adorable up here?"

A: "Once they begin to move, they'll live to the name of mallrats."

A: "The race is about to begin"

B: "Let's see the countdown."

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

A: "Our racers have sunk into the mall."

B: "Eeeewwww. You can't help yourself, can't you?"

A: "No I can not, Babe. But our racers can't help themselves from sliding down the walls."

B: "You can't blame them. The rooftop entrances are packed. Now they're jumping rooftops to try to enter other joints."

A: "There's too many people in those buildings. Viewers, you might get to see these buildings crumble."

B: "Let's give them a peek what's inside. Let's try that one. She's snaking through those crowds."

A: "Number 284... She's streaming right now. Let's take a peek."

B: "Oh, the stairs are packed, our racer is gonna try to go through what looks like a pizza joint."

A: "Wow. Look at those moves. I wish I could record our commentary like this, but-"

B: "I'm feeling lightheaded."

A: "our viewers at home might not like the experience. But don't fear, you can get the view of the action by heading to the Mallratathon page and checking each racers' stream. Your mileage may vary."

B: "Our racers have left the buildings, but uh oh, it's the fuzz. Let's see our racers try to escape from their orbit."

A: "It's the fuzz. But they are outnumbered by our turnout this year. They shouldn't pose a problem this time."

B: "Yeah, who could forget that blunder that one time. I still miss them Andy."

A: "The racers have started to break apart."

B: "But it's too early."

A: "This is a smaller mammoth-mall than we're used to. But that doesn't mean the race will end so soon. The smaller the mall..."

B: "The bigger the surprises. Oh look, some mice have lost their way."

A: "They're not lost Babe. Looks like they're heading to the construction site. What wanton destruction will they unleashed? Will the mall be too small for the rest of them?"

B: "I can't look away. I must know."

A: "Well, too bad, because our racers are leaving Fast Food Nation and are now enterting Technotopia. The cooler climate of this techological wonderland gives shoppers the thrilling experience of shopping at the North Pole."

B: "Racers crossing through here are wishing for a Christmas miracle right now. This place is dense."

A: "Don't worry. Our contestants are equipped with 360 degree compasses, so they always know which way is North. It's quite handy."

B: "Hey Andy, isn't it convenient the mall is split into four slices?"

A: "I prefer the term wedges, but thankfully the biomes are split along the latitude. And the racers from the core are looking thankful as well. They look like they went through hell."

B: "The heat, the sweat, the guards just waiting-"

A: "We get the point. I doubt they went far into the core, but the amount of effort just to get a shortcut in this race must be worth it."

...

A: "What's this?"

B: "Oh wow."

A: "Some people have strapped drones to their backs. There's a guy riding one. Where'd they have the time to test this?"

B: "They use whatever they pick up along the way. Those backpacks are not for show. What I want to know is how those drones could lift some of these people."

A: "Just like the bumblebee, you can't think about it. But they might have to think twice when these stores could deactivate their merchandise at any time."

B: "I can't watch."

A: "The mall is so dense you can't drop more than a few stories without landing somewhere, but here in the last half of the race, you can only go up."

...

B: "Is that guy riding an elevator?"

A: "Yes, Babe, he is... and there goes the racers calling the elevators. That is one short trip."

B: "I didn't know racers tune in to their own event."

...

A: "The time for exploring is over. Now everyone is ascending to the highest tip of the mall."

B: "The North Pole is at the top of that tower. Let's see everyone tumbling down."

A: "Oooo. What an apt description. The drone people are losing gas. Mayday. Mayday."

B: "And some of the core travellors are slowing down. Looks like they can't handle the heat."

A: "And what's this? The construction crew... they have commandeered the contruction vehicles."

B: "Uh oh, looks like some people are starting to notice..."

A: "People are piling on. Will the vehicles hold their weight... no they cannot! They are tumbling down!"

B: "It's the final stretch! Who will make it to the top?"

A: "People are coming out of rooftop entrances to reach the northest point of this mall."

A: "Look, someone is reaching the top... and he's done it! Number 394 is the winner!"

B: "What a lovely way to end our race. He's sliding down the beam like a ballerina."

A: "That's not the way I'd describe it."

B: "And here comes the rest of the fuzz."

A: "There is no prize for the Mallratathon, but the winner gets a free speedy trip away from the mammoth-mall."

B: "I can't see the rest of Technotopia."

A: "Looks like they're serious. If you can avoid the slammer, you can rest easy knowing you can hide out in the mall's many stores. It's in our nature. After all, we're all mallrats."